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Just because I’m not dating a Mexican doesn’t mean you shouldn’t

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I, a Mexican, recently wrote a post about how dating a Latina from another country afforded me the right amount of separation from the cultural aspects I don’t love about my peoples. A Mexican friend then messaged me to say FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ANTI-MEXICAN ARTICLE, but in very polite terms.

I’m here to atone for my sins.

Actually, I just want to clarify the point of my original post, because I also noticed that many lovely Rictus readers, especially those who use my Facebook wall like a confessional Yahoo chat room from 2002 — I’m not telling you to stop, though — read half the article, then jumped to the comments to scream “THAT’S WHY I DATE WHITE GUYS!”

And I know why that happened: The first half of my piece praises Americans for being much more liberal daters than Mexicans. But in the second half I BARED MY SOUL and revealed that, while I’ve dated plenty of Americans and have loved the experience, the sharp cultural differences between the Yankees (calm down, Castro) and the Corn People (calm down, Chicano studies) also made those relationships a lot of work.

The solution that works for me, at least for now, is kicking it with someone from a similar culture. My lady, a boricua-pa-que-yo-lo-sepa, and I can quickly get through misunderstandings because there’s almost no language barrier (Puerto Rican’s use of “pitchea” is still lost on me ¡Bendito!). Plus there’s other culturally-similar nuances that facilitate our *telenovela voice* RELACIÓN SENTIMENTAL.

Maybe you need to check out Chispa, the “Tinder for Latinos.”

So why should you date Mexicans if I don’t? First off, I do date Mexicans. I’ve dated plenty, actually. But I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re like betta fish: Beautiful, majestic, and colorful, but if you put us in the same bowl, we’ll kill each other.

I’m kidding. And I’m also only speaking about my personal experience, which shouldn’t even influence yours. Perhaps it has something to do with my parents and their less-than-ideal relationship. Plus, to be clear, some of the relationships I’ve had with Mexicans didn’t work out because of practical reasons, such as distance, and not emotional incompatibility.

Listen, if the beautiful Ariel (my GF) gets rid of her Flounder (me), then Flounder is gonna mope around the sea for a while, but he’ll be open to hook up with the crab, the octopus, the merman, or any other character. It’s all good.

Because that’s what The Little Mermaid is about, right? The woman bangs the fish? I’ve never seen it. No, wait, I’m thinking about The Shape of Water. And why am I using clunky fish analogies?

Definitely date Mexicans.

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María Rubio was so good as Catalina Creel, an iconic telenovela villain, the role ruined her career

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According to sources on Twitter, and also TvNotas, the holy bible of Mexican gossip, María Rubio, the legendary actress best known for her role as Catalina Creel de Larios in Cuna de lobos, has passed away. She was 83 years old.

Thanks to her role as Soraya Montenegro in María la del Barrio, Itati Cantoral has been dominating the internet with an insane amount of memes, gifs, and even a House of Cards promo special. Itati blew up in the mid ’90s, when older millennials were still teens, and she’s that generation’s go-to character when it comes to Mexican telenovela villains.

Yes, Cantoral was great as Soraya, but the top dog in the telenovela villain game was — and has always been — María Rubio. The Tijuana-born actress was so good in Cuna de lobos that, according to an interview she did with Cristina Saralegui, the role ruined her career:

“[Catalina Creel] was a difficult, beloved character. I enjoyed playing her, but she also hurt me a lot. People completely forgot about María Rubio and now it seems that, after 40 years of being an actress, I’ve only done Catalina Creel.”

Catalina, a murderous matriarch, was known for having some of the best one-liners in telenovela history. But in the same interview with Saralegui, which was filmed over 20 years ago, María proved to be just as cunning and smart as her infamous character, but also incredibly funny:

“[Although I played a villain], I’ve received nothing but compliments, love, and admiration. Never aggression. I think viewers do attack the bad ones — bad actresses, that is.”

If you understand Spanish, check out the hilarious interview below. Watch María viciously own everyone in a panel of full of young telenovela villains:

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Traumatic advice from aunt Rosa: “Don’t torture your Care Bear, Mijo. Or else.”

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I was 6 years old when I yelled at Tugs, my Care Bear. I put him in time-out for not agreeing to the rules of an imaginary game I had just created.

I built a little time-out fortress for him to stay in while I played with my other toys. Coincidentally my tía Rosa was visiting that day. I urged her to see all my toys when she came into the house. I also explained to her that Tugs was in time-out, to which she replied in shock, “Mijo, mira, You have to be nice to your toys.”

I replied, “Tía, I am nice to my toys, but I’m teaching him a lesson.”

She contested nervously, “No, Mijo, you have to be nice to your toys or they might not be nice to you.”

I wasn’t following her logic.

Mijo, if you’re not nice to your toys, then at night time they might wake up and crawl into your bed to cut your toes with tiny razors,” she said slowly while staring at my imprisoned Care Bear.

“What?!” I whispered to her while looking at Tugs from the corner of my eye.

“Yes, your toys might do very bad things to you if you don’t treat them good.”

I stared at her in disbelief.

She stood up and walked towards the doorway.

Mijo, I brought you some tortillas. Come in the kitchen and let’s warm them up,” Rosa said casually.

From then on, Tugs sat on a tufted pillow on my dresser while I slept in velcro shoes for the next year. Growing up in my Mexican-American family meant that everything was possibly alive and watching you.


Felix III – Journeys the cosmos via Holy Hands Vol. 2. Rents a one-bedroom on Neptune. IG: @Futurefelix / Twitter: @thefuturefelix


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