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Trump Supporter Is Actually a Walking, Talking Census Form

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You’ve probably seen the video by now: Donald Trump is doing his one-man show routine in Vegas, starts humble-bragging about a story People magazine did on him, then decides to bring a lady to the stage.

She’s screaming, she’s beside herself.

Like any terrible magician you’ve ever seen, he asks her assistant to confirm that neither the two of them or anybody associated to his organization have never, ever met before under any legal or business capacity whatsoever.

The lady doesn’t answer to his question (which was probably not included in the instructions).

She just wants to show the world her copy of the issue of People magazine.

She just wants to scream to the world that she’s Hispanic and that she is voting for Mr. Trump, a person she actually loves.

Wait a minute.

Have you EVER heard a Latino friend call himself or herself “Hispanic”?

What is this lady? A walking, talking Census form?

Who advised the Trump people on that particular line of her script?

Also: do yo know many Colombian Latina ladies who read People magazine? Maybe in Vegas. Maybe in Vegas.

Also, doesn’t that screenshot of Trump hugging his very real Hispanic supporter from behind remind you of some other cheesy visual production we’d rather never see again?

Make America great again, you crazy kids!

Make America great again, you crazy kids!

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Culture

Video: Carmen Yulín Cruz killed it on Colbert last night

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Carmen Yulín Cruz, the current mayor or San Juan, Puerto Rico, was a guest on the The Late Show last night. Although I could have done without the salsa intro – where’s the reggaeton, damn it! – she killed it by reminding American viewers that La Isla del Encanto is still hurting.

“About 50% of the population still doesn’t have power, and that ones that do have, it’s very unstable.”

I have no idea what her politics are really about – liberal-leaning, assume, especially if she’s on Colbert – but it’s great to see an articulate Latina politician, especially one that’s serving a primarily Spanish-speaking Island, be on a national show. Carmen carried herself gracefully and, unlike Trump, who previously called Yulín a “nasty” woman, she never rambled carelessly.

Check out the interview below.

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Politics

No, the “Hispanic Superfan” of our orange overlord has not been deported

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Kids, we know you get excited when terrible things happen to terrible people. It’s only human.

But no, Myriam Witcher, the Colombian-born fan of Donald Trump —oh, how innocent those times seem now, no?— has not been deported, in spite of what some dubious websites claim.

I'm the Queen of the World

Haven’t you read about the fake news epidemic, chusma? Which is not the same as the fake fake news epidemic. PLEASE.

(Also there is a vaccine for fake news: it’s called thinking. And reading trustworthy sites like this one.)

But I digress, yet again.

Myriam is alive and kicking. And you can see it for yourself if you track down her Twitter account, which has the amazing handle (what else?) @LocaForTrump.

If you follow her, thus becoming follower 733 at the time of this writing, you can take virtual part in the crazy adventures of such a fascinating personality. Like calling other immigrants, like herself, “nasty”:

 

Or see her engaging in constructive discussions that include insulting her contradictor with a vulva-looking steak:

 

Or even confusing cigars with “drugs”:

 

 

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Music

Yuri wants to speak to Chapo about the word of the non-drug Lord

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While promoting a new tour on Telemundo’s Suelta la Sopa, Yuri, the popular Mexican singer, said she would be willing to take the word of the Lord to Joaquín “Chapo” Guzmán all the way to Almoloya, the maximum security prison where Joaquín is being held:

I would like to take this word of hope to this character, Chapo. Why not? His mother is Christian. If God opens the doors of Almoloya, I would speak to him about the word of God.

Yes, Yuri — I’m all about this! Since Chapo was allowed to have more friends and sex than most us while being was locked up, having you nag to him about Jesus will be like us getting some citizen’s retribution. Dude’s gonna hate it.

Mind you, Joaquín wouldn’t be the first drug lord Yuri has badgered:

I’m not afraid. I already did it with (Rafael) Caro Quientero, with the Arellano Félix — why wouldn’t I do it with him?

Life is strange that way, kids. One day you’re a tough-ass, world-feared drug lord who lives an insanely debaucherous life, and next day Yuri is singing her terrible Christian ranchera songs right in your face. It really makes you think.

Though, given the opportunity, I would like to ask Yuri if there’s ever been a time when she felt threatened while meeting these dangerous men, and if she busted out “Hombres al borde de un ataque” [men on the verge of an attack] to call the attention of the guards.

Here’s the Suelta la Sopa interview with Yuri:

 

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