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This is how La Rosa de Guadalupe got the idea for the famous face breeze scene

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La Rosa de Guadalupe, which is produced by Televisa and repeatedly aired by Univision, is one of the best worst shows the television network has ever conceived. It’s so badly acted, horribly written, and terribly produced that, throughout its 737 episodes, it has inspired a countless parodies, memes, nerd rage, and even an actual suicide. Yes, people have died because of this show — yet, considering its 8-year-old run, La Rosa has almost as many episodes as the 40-year-old Saturday Night Live, so apparently it’s fairly popular.

Pretty cray, right?

Because the show is essentially Catholic brainwashing propaganda, La Rosa promises to portray “a miracle” in every episode. Thankfully the show’s writers get very creative when it comes to setting up adversity for their characters, and thus drug addiction, incest, adultery, student bullying, elder abuse, and marital violence are but a few of the subjects La Rosa gladly covers. Also, to keep things fresh and very amateur, the show almost never repeats actors.

They do, however, repeat one bit in all of their episodes: right before showing the promised miracle, a single white rose appears near a carefully-placed Virgin of Guadalupe painting or figurine, and the lead protagonist’s face gets a close-up shot while being caressed by magical breeze.

Here’s a gif:

giphyThis imaginative, next-level campiness has been ridiculed for years, but it’s basically half the reason why anybody watches the show. How did the producers of the La Rosa come up with this great idea? One man — a hero to all of us who have no life, which is why we take an interest in Rosa-related trivia in the first place — took it upon himself to find out. His name is Ricardo Escobar, and this is what he found out:

Carlos Mercado, the writer of these stories, told me that he presented this project [to Televisa] in 2006, but it was rejected. He then went to the basilica, asked the Virgin to give him the right elements to once again pitch the idea, and, upon stepping out of the church, he felt the wind hit his face. That also gave him the idea to introduce the rose. Afterwards he took the project back to Televisa and it was approved.

Mmm, interesting. So in Mexico Catholic saints are just handing out miracles to any asshole who pay them a visit? I see. *Writes Rictus business and advertising plan, books flight to Mexico City*

Watch the full interview with La Rosa de Guadalupe producers below.

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Culture

“Trump Dating” site doesn’t want the gays, but allows the “happily married” to join

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You can even be mad at Trump Dating, a new website for lonely — or not so lonely, but just promiscuous — maganogamous people. It’s a perfect representation of their cherished administration, since it’s also homophobic — it only allows “straight” women or men to sign up — and, just like Trump, it’s all about adulterous relationships:

“When you kick off the process of starting a profile, you get two options for labeling yourself — ‘straight man’ or ‘straight woman.’

Yet according to Trump Dating’s rather strange drop-down menus, married people are welcome. For a relationship status, the site offers options like ‘have a significant other,’ ‘happily married,’ and ‘unhappily married.'”

And since no self-respecting republican-specific dating site should exist unless it takes an issue with race, Trump Dating allows their users to be super specific about their genealogy:

“The ethnicity options also seemed oddly specific. In addition to the typical categories, the site includes choices like ‘Scandinavian,’ ‘Polynesian,’ ‘Eastern European,’ ‘Western European,’ ‘Mediterranean,’ and ‘Eskimo,’ a term used to label the indigenous people of Alaska, Canada, and Greenland that is considered offensive and inaccurate.”

OMG, you guys. There better be a second menu where users can identify which of the five Aryan subtype races — Nordic, Mediterranean, Dinaric, Alpine, and East Baltic — they belong to. Otherwise the server room of this Trump Dating is gonna get tiki torched.

Anyway, where you at, Chispa, the “Tinder for Latinos”? You gonna let Trump Dating walk all over you? You need to re-brand to DACA Dong, Canelo Kennedy Courting, or something.

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I made 62 cents writing for you last month and now I feel like Carlos Slim

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So I quit my day job a couple of months ago and, to ease the boredom that gestates inside like some gross multi-brown baby, I’ve been populating Rictus with dumb-ass rants. Rants that, quite surprisingly — because, honestly, some of this stuff is really stupid — were looked at over 20,000 times in January, according to Google’s Analytics:

But Google is that passive-aggressive friend which tells you it wants your to succeed, but is secretly waiting for you to try so that it can humiliate you for doing so. That’s why the company sent me an email a few days ago to inform me of the traffic spike on this humble blog, and today it followed up with a “here’s your .62 cents of AdSense money, Scrooge Mcduck”:

Nice, Google. You should meet my melodramatic aunt. You’d get along famously.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter that last week José, the other Rictus dude, sent me an article about how a few writers were making insane amounts of money — especially for the digital realm — because Fusion, which is now Splinter, hired them back when the young venture was drunk with power (Disney was buying all the drinks):

“It is worth remembering that Salmon was not alone in the Fu$ion hiring $pree of 2014-15. Alexis Madrigal, Kevin Roose, Anna Holmes, Dodai Stewart, and Hillary Frey are a few of the big-name hires Fusion ‘[showered] with TV money, doling out salaries around the $300,000 and $500,000 range for marquee hires,’ reported Kara Bloomgarden-Smoke in WWD.”

I wrote a few articles for Fusion myself, but damn — I had no idea The Mouse put down the black Amex at the bar! That’s the last time I ask for well drinks on another person’s tab. #youstayhumbleifyouwantkendrick

Alas, The Awl and Gothamist, among other sites favored by media geeks, are dead now. And since monetizing digital content has turned into the lets-all-chase-millennials-with-dumb-memes-clickbait-and-viral-videos game, my 62 Google cents make me feel like Carlos Slim.

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