Did you accidentally fall in love with an emotionally immature man? Maybe you’re not head over heels, but you feel too invested in the relationship to leave him? Don’t feel bad about it, kiddo — I’ve got some life hacks for you!
First, you need to understand how you got there. My hypothesis is that your Manchild’s child-like behavior may have been the reason why you fell for him. You probably found his detached, aloof, and secretive attitude very endearing, charming, and sexy.
Yes, you used to love the way he would keep his feelings bottled up — until you figured out he’s just an idiot, not enigmatic. Now you’re too embarrassed to explain your horrible taste in men to your social circle, so you’ve decided to stick it out.
What now? Listen up.
1. Let yourself go and become completely unfashionable
Emotionally immature men are very self-conscious, possessive, and usually have no self-esteem. If you’re walking around looking super hot, people are going to hit on you, and he’s going to hate that.
You need to let yourself go.
Gain weight and buy a pair of UGG boots. Yes, eventually he’s going to cheat on you because he’ll no longer find you attractive. But think of the bright side: You won’t have to erase any of those Instagram pictures you took together as a couple, so #winning.
2. Embrace his homoerotic relationships with other men
Since most heterosexual men don’t know how to communicate their emotions with their girlfriends or wives, they tend to develop oddly homoerotic relationships with other repressed men.
You need to embrace this.
Why do you think Brokeback Mountain was a huge hit? No, it’s not because gay men wanted to see Jake Gyllenhall get passive-aggressively plowed, although who wouldn’t want to see that, amiright?
The reason that movie did well at the box office is because millions of women connected with Michelle Williams’ plight. She played the heroine who understands the risk, the humiliation of having to update your relationship status on Facebook after breaking up with a partner.
Switching from “in relationship” to “single” on the social media platform calls too much attention, especially among gossipy high school friends, and Michelle’s character did the right thing: Allowing her man get his while she stays home feeling lonely, anxious, and traumatized.
3. Don’t see a therapist
Having an objective professional tell you exactly what you need to do in order to live a happy life is not the best way to endure a relationship with a difficult person. In fact, it’s very counterproductive.
You need to STFU.
Years later you’re going to find yourself in a supermarket shopping for fresh produce. A handsome stranger, the kind you always fantasize about whenever you read a Danielle Steel novel, is going to accidentally bump his shopping cart into yours. “I’m sorry, mam. I was trying to reach the lemon bin, but it appears that destiny wants me to reach straight for the lemonade,” he’s going to say.
Your undies will soak in love juice, but instead of flirting back you’re going to tell that hot stranger to fuck off.
Because you didn’t spend years of your life learning how to suppress you self-worth for some asshole to undo all your psychological work while he’s shopping for bitter fruit.
María Rubio was so good as Catalina Creel, an iconic telenovela villain, the role ruined her career
According to sources on Twitter, and also TvNotas, the holy bible of Mexican gossip, María Rubio, the legendary actress best known for her role as Catalina Creel de Larios in Cuna de lobos, has passed away. She was 83 years old.
Thanks to her role as Soraya Montenegro in María la del Barrio, Itati Cantoral has been dominating the internet with an insane amount of memes, gifs, and even a House of Cards promo special. Itati blew up in the mid ’90s, when older millennials were still teens, and she’s that generation’s go-to character when it comes to Mexican telenovela villains.
Yes, Cantoral was great as Soraya, but the top dog in the telenovela villain game was — and has always been — María Rubio. The Tijuana-born actress was so good in Cuna de lobos that, according to an interview she did with Cristina Saralegui, the role ruined her career:
“[Catalina Creel] was a difficult, beloved character. I enjoyed playing her, but she also hurt me a lot. People completely forgot about María Rubio and now it seems that, after 40 years of being an actress, I’ve only done Catalina Creel.”
Catalina, a murderous matriarch, was known for having some of the best one-liners in telenovela history. But in the same interview with Saralegui, which was filmed over 20 years ago, María proved to be just as cunning and smart as her infamous character, but also incredibly funny:
“[Although I played a villain], I’ve received nothing but compliments, love, and admiration. Never aggression. I think viewers do attack the bad ones — bad actresses, that is.”
If you understand Spanish, check out the hilarious interview below. Watch María viciously own everyone in a panel of full of young telenovela villains:
Traumatic advice from aunt Rosa: “Don’t torture your Care Bear, Mijo. Or else.”
I was 6 years old when I yelled at Tugs, my Care Bear. I put him in time-out for not agreeing to the rules of an imaginary game I had just created.
I built a little time-out fortress for him to stay in while I played with my other toys. Coincidentally my tía Rosa was visiting that day. I urged her to see all my toys when she came into the house. I also explained to her that Tugs was in time-out, to which she replied in shock, “Mijo, mira, You have to be nice to your toys.”
I replied, “Tía, I am nice to my toys, but I’m teaching him a lesson.”
She contested nervously, “No, Mijo, you have to be nice to your toys or they might not be nice to you.”
I wasn’t following her logic.
“Mijo, if you’re not nice to your toys, then at night time they might wake up and crawl into your bed to cut your toes with tiny razors,” she said slowly while staring at my imprisoned Care Bear.
“What?!” I whispered to her while looking at Tugs from the corner of my eye.
“Yes, your toys might do very bad things to you if you don’t treat them good.”
I stared at her in disbelief.
She stood up and walked towards the doorway.
“Mijo, I brought you some tortillas. Come in the kitchen and let’s warm them up,” Rosa said casually.
From then on, Tugs sat on a tufted pillow on my dresser while I slept in velcro shoes for the next year. Growing up in my Mexican-American family meant that everything was possibly alive and watching you.