Kids, we know you get excited when terrible things happen to terrible people. It’s only human.
But no, Myriam Witcher, the Colombian-born fan of Donald Trump —oh, how innocent those times seem now, no?— has not been deported, in spite of what some dubious websites claim.
(Also there is a vaccine for fake news: it’s called thinking. And reading trustworthy sites like this one.)
But I digress, yet again.
Myriam is alive and kicking. And you can see it for yourself if you track down her Twitter account, which has the amazing handle (what else?) @LocaForTrump.
If you follow her, thus becoming follower 733 at the time of this writing, you can take virtual part in the crazy adventures of such a fascinating personality. Like calling other immigrants, like herself, “nasty”:
— Real Myriam Witcher (@LocaForTrump) October 27, 2016
Or see her engaging in constructive discussions that include insulting her contradictor with a vulva-looking steak:
— Real Myriam Witcher (@LocaForTrump) October 28, 2016
Or even confusing cigars with “drugs”:
— Real Myriam Witcher (@LocaForTrump) November 2, 2016
Video: Carmen Yulín Cruz killed it on Colbert last night
Carmen Yulín Cruz, the current mayor or San Juan, Puerto Rico, was a guest on the The Late Show last night. Although I could have done without the salsa intro – where’s the reggaeton, damn it! – she killed it by reminding American viewers that La Isla del Encanto is still hurting.
“About 50% of the population still doesn’t have power, and that ones that do have, it’s very unstable.”
I have no idea what her politics are really about – liberal-leaning, assume, especially if she’s on Colbert – but it’s great to see an articulate Latina politician, especially one that’s serving a primarily Spanish-speaking Island, be on a national show. Carmen carried herself gracefully and, unlike Trump, who previously called Yulín a “nasty” woman, she never rambled carelessly.
Check out the interview below.
Yuri wants to speak to Chapo about the word of the non-drug Lord
While promoting a new tour on Telemundo’s Suelta la Sopa, Yuri, the popular Mexican singer, said she would be willing to take the word of the Lord to Joaquín “Chapo” Guzmán all the way to Almoloya, the maximum security prison where Joaquín is being held:
I would like to take this word of hope to this character, Chapo. Why not? His mother is Christian. If God opens the doors of Almoloya, I would speak to him about the word of God.
Yes, Yuri — I’m all about this! Since Chapo was allowed to have more friends and sex than most us while being was locked up, having you nag to him about Jesus will be like us getting some citizen’s retribution. Dude’s gonna hate it.
Mind you, Joaquín wouldn’t be the first drug lord Yuri has badgered:
I’m not afraid. I already did it with (Rafael) Caro Quientero, with the Arellano Félix — why wouldn’t I do it with him?
Life is strange that way, kids. One day you’re a tough-ass, world-feared drug lord who lives an insanely debaucherous life, and next day Yuri is singing her terrible Christian ranchera songs right in your face. It really makes you think.
Though, given the opportunity, I would like to ask Yuri if there’s ever been a time when she felt threatened while meeting these dangerous men, and if she busted out “Hombres al borde de un ataque” [men on the verge of an attack] to call the attention of the guards.
Here’s the Suelta la Sopa interview with Yuri:
Chapo got a surgical implant in his balls because he suffers from erectile dysfunction
The Mexican press are bigger gossips than myself, my divorced aunt Lupe, the Mexican lady who works the laundromat on the corner of my apartment, Raúl De Molina, and my TvNotas subscription all put together. I’m not exaggerating — it’s just a fact, people.
For example, today they’re reporting that Joaquín “Chapo” Gúzman got a surgical implant in his testicles back in October because he suffers from what rockstars refer to as “coke dick” (impotence):
On September and October of last year Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán underwent a surgical procedure where doctors placed an implant in his testicles so that he may achieve an erection, sources told REFORMA.
This procedure was done in some hospital in Tijuana, and I can already picture a line of pre-op trans people, plastic-faced fresa ladies, and my aunt Lupe yelling at Chapo’s doctor to hurry the fuck up because they, too, need some shit done.
BTW, I would like to put my two cents out there and say that the recent “leaked” text messages between Chapo and Kate Del Castillo, which were supposedly intercepted by the Mexican government, seem completely made up. Did you guys even see the 17 minute Chapo interview? No northern Mexican man speaks in the manner in which those texts were written. Those messages are chilango speak, and no self-respecting norteño would ever express himself like that. (Sorry, chilangos, but you already know everyone outside of Mexico City hates you.)
But that’s another post for another day. For now, enjoy knowing a super powerful man is can also be incredibly impotent because life is tragic and poetic like that. Or something.
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