You in the mood for some magical realism? Then meet Rosita, a “satanic” doll who’s been terrorizing Mexican women for decades.
Al Rojo Vivo, a semi-serious news show on Telemundo *shakes head in embarrassment,* caught up with Rosalba, Rosita’s owner, to get the full story. It turns that Rosita was purchased 42 years ago in Saltillo, a city in the Mexican state of Coahuila, as a gift for one of Rosalba’s unborn children.
BUT THEN ROSITA KELP MURDERING ROSALBA’S KIDS.
Just kidding. But apparently some weird shit did start to happen around the house after the doll’s arrival, like the time when Rosita tried to lasciviously seduce an innocent boy:
“Once a nephew walked into her room, but then quickly ran out. He looked very pale. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ we asked him, and he told us the doll started winking at him while she sat in a rocking chair.”
Kid, relax. Rosita is 42-years-old. She was probably just trying to get some because a) you’re her size, and b) homegirl is not getting any younger.
But Al Rojo Vivo is all about producing hard-hitting stories with well-sourced journalism, which is why they interviewed what appears to be some random señora:
“Seeing her… yeah, it’s weird.”
Rosa, don’t listen them. You’re not satanic or weird. Those women are just jealous because you still look like you’re ten and they don’t. You’re a strong, independent, and sexually-liberated doll who’s just trying to do her thing. #youdoyoudoll
Check out Rosita’s story below.
María Rubio was so good as Catalina Creel, an iconic telenovela villain, the role ruined her career
According to sources on Twitter, and also TvNotas, the holy bible of Mexican gossip, María Rubio, the legendary actress best known for her role as Catalina Creel de Larios in Cuna de lobos, has passed away. She was 83 years old.
Thanks to her role as Soraya Montenegro in María la del Barrio, Itati Cantoral has been dominating the internet with an insane amount of memes, gifs, and even a House of Cards promo special. Itati blew up in the mid ’90s, when older millennials were still teens, and she’s that generation’s go-to character when it comes to Mexican telenovela villains.
Yes, Cantoral was great as Soraya, but the top dog in the telenovela villain game was — and has always been — María Rubio. The Tijuana-born actress was so good in Cuna de lobos that, according to an interview she did with Cristina Saralegui, the role ruined her career:
“[Catalina Creel] was a difficult, beloved character. I enjoyed playing her, but she also hurt me a lot. People completely forgot about María Rubio and now it seems that, after 40 years of being an actress, I’ve only done Catalina Creel.”
Catalina, a murderous matriarch, was known for having some of the best one-liners in telenovela history. But in the same interview with Saralegui, which was filmed over 20 years ago, María proved to be just as cunning and smart as her infamous character, but also incredibly funny:
“[Although I played a villain], I’ve received nothing but compliments, love, and admiration. Never aggression. I think viewers do attack the bad ones — bad actresses, that is.”
If you understand Spanish, check out the hilarious interview below. Watch María viciously own everyone in a panel of full of young telenovela villains:
Traumatic advice from aunt Rosa: “Don’t torture your Care Bear, Mijo. Or else.”
I was 6 years old when I yelled at Tugs, my Care Bear. I put him in time-out for not agreeing to the rules of an imaginary game I had just created.
I built a little time-out fortress for him to stay in while I played with my other toys. Coincidentally my tía Rosa was visiting that day. I urged her to see all my toys when she came into the house. I also explained to her that Tugs was in time-out, to which she replied in shock, “Mijo, mira, You have to be nice to your toys.”
I replied, “Tía, I am nice to my toys, but I’m teaching him a lesson.”
She contested nervously, “No, Mijo, you have to be nice to your toys or they might not be nice to you.”
I wasn’t following her logic.
“Mijo, if you’re not nice to your toys, then at night time they might wake up and crawl into your bed to cut your toes with tiny razors,” she said slowly while staring at my imprisoned Care Bear.
“What?!” I whispered to her while looking at Tugs from the corner of my eye.
“Yes, your toys might do very bad things to you if you don’t treat them good.”
I stared at her in disbelief.
She stood up and walked towards the doorway.
“Mijo, I brought you some tortillas. Come in the kitchen and let’s warm them up,” Rosa said casually.
From then on, Tugs sat on a tufted pillow on my dresser while I slept in velcro shoes for the next year. Growing up in my Mexican-American family meant that everything was possibly alive and watching you.