It wasn’t that long ago that we thought we had bidden adieu forever to Don Francisco and his decades-long, sad TV circus. But as you probably know (if you are like us and pay attention to these things), his retirement was shorter than the time we spent considering respecting Mitt Romney: he came back shortly after on Univision’s arch-enemy Telemundo, just to show he could continue doing sad, unimaginative TV for many years to come. At this point, calling him “the Fidel of Latino TV” is not that much of a stretch. But I digress.
While all of this was happening, Chilean journalist Laura Landaeta published her unauthorized biography of this “gigante,” titled simply Don Francisco. In a surprise to no one, since its publication in February the book has was largely ignored by mainstream media both in Chile —where Don Francis has powerful ties to corporations and networks, through personal investments and his involvement in the millions-moving Teletón— and in the Latino Hollywood. (That would be Miami, in case you were wondering.)
Which is shame for people like us, always in the look for the naked truth behind our great Latino forefathers. According to an interview with Chilean website El Ciudadano that was published around the time the book was launched but just caught our curious eyes, there are many, um, gigante stories surrounding the book and our favorite TV creepy uncle:
- Landaeta says Don Francisco would regularly pick women from his show’s audience to bring them to his dressing room and give him blow jobs in exchange for some of the prizes he had at his disposal. Like a fridge.
- The many roadblocks she encountered in the years she researched the book included anonymous phone calls insulting her and warning her not to mess with the TV personality.
- These threats were not new to Landaeta: in her interview, she recalls her first encounter with Don Francisco. She was working for Chilean magazine Qué Pasa, and shortly after writing a story on the sexual harassment suit a former Sábado Gigante model had filed against the TV host, she was assigned to interview him. She recalls being invited Don Francisco to get on her car and give her the interview while he drove to his countryside house, only to be insulted by Don Francisco for writing about his sexual harassment conflict, telling her not to mess with him, and dropping her at the entrance of his countryside property, far away from the city or a bus station. “He has an incredible skill to instill fear in you,” the reporter said.
- Landaeta also claims to have found out that department store Johnson’s, one of the stable sponsors of Sábados Gigantes in Chile, gave suits and clothing for free to the agents of DINA, the sinister intelligence agency of the Pinochet administration, thanks to the relationship of “mutual benefit” between Don Francisco and the head of DINA, convicted human rights criminal Manuel Contreras.
We haven’t gotten our hands on a copy of the Landaeta book, but we can’t wait to do it. We’ll let you know when we do.
In the meantime, you can watch full episodes of Don Francisco Te Invita here.
At your own risk, that is.
Oh, right. Old-school Mexicans humiliate their children by pretending they don’t exist.
I’ve been visiting my mother, and all of our immediate family, for the last week. They’re old-school, rural Mexicans. The kind who always offer food, even if they hate you.
I’m in my mid 30s now, and have been living on my own since I was 18, so at our gatherings I get a proper adult seat at the table. They listen to what I have to say, but it wasn’t always like that.
It’s not like that for my younger relatives, either. At family reunions, I see them out of the periphery of my eye. They’re trying to get a word in, but those older Mexicans won’t allow it. Why would they? What have those mocosos (snot-nosed kids) done to deserve anybody’s respect? Did they pay for their food? For the roof over their head? For their car, gas, clothes? No? Then they don’t exist.
Yes, they’re physically there, but unless they can prove their worth through monetary independence, they’re no one. If they try to make their voices heard, they’ll be silenced by a death stare, or an abrupt change in conversation.
If they persist, other humiliations will be flung at them, such as being asked to do something entirely meaningless, just like their opinion. “Vete a ver si ya puso la marrana” (go see if one of the pigs laid an egg) is a classic. My grandma had one of the most bizarre just-get-the-fuck-out-of-here phrases, which I’ve never heard elsewhere: “Vete a descular hormigas” (go chop the asses off ants).
I know these Mexicans sound like assholes, but they’re like that because they believe in resilience, not fragility. Giving encouragement to a mentally and physically healthy person seems redundant to them. Those people already have all they need to succeed, they’ll think.
To gain their respect, at the very least a person will need to become self-sufficient. That’s how you earn the right to sit with them. Either you’re with that, or you’re not there at all.
“Trump Dating” site doesn’t want the gays, but allows the “happily married” to join
You can even be mad at Trump Dating, a new website for lonely — or not so lonely, but just promiscuous — maganogamous people. It’s a perfect representation of their cherished administration, since it’s also homophobic — it only allows “straight” women or men to sign up — and, just like Trump, it’s all about adulterous relationships:
“When you kick off the process of starting a profile, you get two options for labeling yourself — ‘straight man’ or ‘straight woman.’
Yet according to Trump Dating’s rather strange drop-down menus, married people are welcome. For a relationship status, the site offers options like ‘have a significant other,’ ‘happily married,’ and ‘unhappily married.'”
And since no self-respecting republican-specific dating site should exist unless it takes an issue with race, Trump Dating allows their users to be super specific about their genealogy:
“The ethnicity options also seemed oddly specific. In addition to the typical categories, the site includes choices like ‘Scandinavian,’ ‘Polynesian,’ ‘Eastern European,’ ‘Western European,’ ‘Mediterranean,’ and ‘Eskimo,’ a term used to label the indigenous people of Alaska, Canada, and Greenland that is considered offensive and inaccurate.”
OMG, you guys. There better be a second menu where users can identify which of the five Aryan subtype races — Nordic, Mediterranean, Dinaric, Alpine, and East Baltic — they belong to. Otherwise the server room of this Trump Dating is gonna get tiki torched.
Culture3 weeks ago
Calm the f*ck down with your “Despacito” Grammy outrage. It’s not that serious.
Culture4 weeks ago
Dating a Latina from another country gives me the right amount of separation from my culture
Culture3 weeks ago
Just because I’m not dating a Mexican doesn’t mean you shouldn’t
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Adultery, greed and hypocrisy: The dark side of Chespirito