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Joaquín “Chapo” Guzmán had more of a sex & social life than you while being in jail

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Joaquín “Chapo” Guzmán had more of a sex & social life than you while being in jail

Ever since he was captured for the third time, the media has been reporting on the “extreme” measures being taken so that Joaquín “Chapo” Guzmán doesn’t walk out nonchalantly escape from jail the way he previously did, which was incredibly embarrassing for the Mexican government — that is, if we pretend the Mexican government knows the meaning of the word “shame.”

So what kind of hardcore measures are we talking about here? Well, in addition to being moved to a different cell every time he blinks, Joaquín is observed 24/7 by security camereas, and prison floors have been reinforced with steel:

The prison has installed 400 new cameras throughout the prison. Authorities hope to add another 600 by April. Guards with orders to record Guzman at all times follow him wearing helmet-mounted cameras, the newspaper said. Anticipating that Guzman might attempt another tunnel escape, prison floors have been reinforced with three-quarter-inch steel rods.

In addition to all that mess, motion sensors have also been installed, and access to Chapo is heavily restricted.

That last part is especially interesting because, as it is being reported by Azteca Noticias, the previous time Guzmán landed in the same prison — he’s back at Altiplano — dude was allowed to roam around the high-security fortress like he owned it.

As you’ll see in the graphic below, Chapo was in jail for 477 days. During that time Guzmán’s lawyers saw him on 272 occasions, his family stopped by 68 times, he got 46 conjugal visits, and spent 4,632 hours outside his cell:

chapo sexo internado

So even when he was locked up in a high-security prison, Chapo had more of a social and sex life than most of us on the outside. Damn.

BTW, the only time Joaquín seems to have hung around his cell was to sleep, watch television, or to fuck around in his iPad (see below), which means he probably plotted his entire escape using Snapchat and emoticons. (Chapo was probably using Tindr to rack up more conjugal visits — LIKE A BOSS.)

chapo ipad

Now that the news cycle is focused on him, other sensational stories are being reported about Chapo, including a rumor which insinuates he got a coke dick-defeating implant in his testicles, and the salacious text messages he sent Kate Del Castillo.

Oh, Chapo. You keep us young with your crazy adventures.

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